Walls and Waiting

It is so much easier to hate than to love. Hate creates walls, chains emotions, gives protection, but leaves you alone. Love tears down the fortress and makes vulnerable all the areas that had been previously held as hate's captive. Love demands honesty, sincerity, vulnerability; it can form fear like nothing else. Love takes cultivation, while hate needs no time to fester. Hate storms the castle, while love waits patiently, sometimes painfully, for the gate to open. 

Love can hurt. So many times I wish I would put up the walls and cloister behind the mortar of hatred because I would be protected from so much anxiety and pain. Sometimes I do put up those walls, but they always end up crumbling, stones crashing in places I never meant for them to go. 

God's love for me is so astounding, the way He will always wait for those walls to come down, yet always be there for me on the other side. He never gives up on me, even when the bricks of hatred, fear, resentment, anxiety build higher and higher-- He is always below, waiting for my castle of sand to crumble, always waiting to pick me up and whisk me away. 

If only I would walk outside the walls a little more often and see what silliness I have built my foundation out of, and the gloriousness of the castle just beyond. If only. 

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This was meant to go somewhere. It makes sense to my midnight mind.